Scene 8b

(The café. Enter PABLO, a Spanish anarchist.)

PABLO (disgustedly):

Bloody bullsheet meetings! We say we wanna protect l'ôpitals. They say we can NOT protect l'ôpitals. I say, to 'ell wi' them. We are anarchistas, no state police can stop us doing what we decide to protect Iraqi people. We 'ave not travel thousand kilometres to be Saddam stooges. Basta to Bush, basta to Blair, basta to Saddam. To 'ell wi' them all – we do it!

FREDERICK:

And basta to Keith?

PABLO:

No, Keith OK. 'E say we should go to l'ôpitals. 'E good guy. If you say 'e not good guy, then to 'ell wi' you too. Tomorrow, I say we occupy l'ôpitals. We 'ave big tent, we put up in driveway, sleep there, no bother to any person. If bombs come, we 'elp out 'ow we can. Bandage injured, bury dead, whatever. Give Iraqi police the finger if they don't like. (Demonstrates with a gesture.) My padre, 'e was at Catalonia. I am Catalán too. We defied the Stalinists there. Saddam, 'e just another Stalinist, just same as 'Itler, bloody dictator. Can't tell us what to do.

FREDERICK:

And who will feed you when you are in the hospital? They have problems just looking after themselves. Did you go to the hospital in Basra?

PABLO:

No, I didn't go on no bloody tourist trip to Basra. I'm no bloody tourist. I'm anarchista. Shit on all authority!

SCHWEYK (gently):

But you will need food, yes?

PABLO:

Of course, we need food. We requisition from market, perhaps even from you. You got more than you need – we need, you give, or we take. Basta!

SCHWEYK:

No need to take. How many will you be? Ten, twelve, twenty? I get you chickens, humus perhaps, bread, tomatoes. Bottled water? You will need water for heat of the day. Yes?

FREDERICK:

But Schweyk, listen. If you give them stuff, it might be traced back to you. They'll be sent home if they do this, no bother. But you, what will they do to you?

SCHWEYK:

Listen, my friend. The men of the Mukhabarat, how do you call them? The secret police, they eat here, they know Schweyk's chickens are the best in all Baghdad. So someone takes a batch from me and eats them in a tent outside the hospital. I say I sell to anyone who wants to buy. Long live market socialism! Then I give them an extra portion of my chicken, on the house. Is, 'ow you say? Is cool!